For Your Entertainment... A Little Diddy About.... Well...

On the Kiwi bus we made a two night stop in Franz Josef. Since, we did not have to be on the bus early the next morning many people took the opportunity to partake in the local watering hole. As hostels go, there are just bunks in each room and there is usually 2-5 of them. That night, I had chosen my room with the ensuite (its own bathroom and shower) with a specific group of people. Later, I would realize the demise of my decision.

Usually, you queue up, pay for the room, and the first person in your room to get there gets to choose whether they want the top or bottom bunk. Finally, I was the first one in the room and chose a bottom bunk after being on the top one for several nights in a row. Being on the bottom is best because the bunks are often rickety and make a sh*t ton of noise getting up into them. I was reveling in my victory and pleased to be there for two nights and was looking forward to having my superior bed. These bunks were good too. They actually had decent pillows. Usually you have to fold the pillow into two's or three's and sometimes that's not even helpful the pillows are SO flat. The duvet was nothing to shun at either.

Anyway, I was going on a full day glacier hike the next day starting at 8 am so I chose to shower up and go to bed early. My efforts were in vain. Me and three other mates all went to bed early, as they were sky diving early the next morning, and I was doing the hike. Now, enter our faithful fourth roommate, that mind you, we chose, at or around 3-4 am. Post multitudes of drinking and dancing at the pub. He was right pissed.

Fredlar* comes in the room noisily, knocking into things, stumbling, and hiccuping like an old fat drunk. Fredlar sleeps on the bed above me. He used all his drunk might and got himself into bed and once the hiccups ceased he slept HEAVILY. I know this heavy sleeping to be a fact. He was practically comatose. Had to be.

At about 4:30-5 am I was awoken by a dripping noise. You hear ALL kinds of noises, (trust me ALLLL kinds of noises in hostels. 100 plus people all sharing rooms with very thin walls leads to lots of entertainment, embarrassment, frustration and annoyance). I thought the noise was probably someone just using a shower or flushing a toilet in another room. I ignored it.... UNTIL I felt an odd warmth creeping down my hip and leg. At first, naively, I thought my leg had just fallen asleep from sleeping in the same position for too long and the tingling was a result of that. But OH NO, I felt my leg and it was warm, but not only warm it was WET!!!

I now, sit up with ALERT attention, and just as I am in horror realizing that the comforter is all wet as well as the mattress above my head, Fredlar lets out the most satisfying, groan you'd ever hear in your life. If I hadn't know better I would have thought he just bit into the BEST steak n'cheese sandwich he had ever eaten in his life! But alas, the moan was in satisfaction of letting go of a great, I've drank too much beer and jaeger bombs, piss.

Fredlar was up in his bunk moaning away in "sleeping I'm pissing myself bliss" and I'm down beneath him freaking out and trying to get out of bed as soon as possible. I didn't wake him. I'm not sure why it didn't occur to me to try and wake him up. I mean, he peed a reasonable sized lake!

A little less than ideal I would say. I had to get up, shower, and obviously change clothes. My steaming hot shower that turned my skin red couldn't prevent the shudders I felt from being peed on. Luckily, I was equipped with a sleeping bag so I could transfer myself to the floor. My wonderful bed had been soiled! Oh man was I angry. I fretted and fumed until morning.

Here's the kicker. Fredlar was to get up at 6:45 that morning to make it to his glacier climb on Franz. It was already booked and paid for. A bus was not coming to get us for any of the glacier activities so it was our own responsibility to get up and walk to the meeting point. Fredlar missed his deadline. So, in my "little bit" of satisfaction, he pissed himself and 240 bucks down the toilet!

The embarrassment that ensued is unmeasurable. I didn't tell anyone else on the bus besides those that were in my room because there was no easy explanation of why I was lying on the floor. I figured the embarrassment and missing the hike was torture enough. The glacier hike was incredible and something that should definitely NOT be missed out on given the chance. I forgot my camera due to being frazzled by "the incident". My glacier guide, Kutty, kept making fun of me for forgetting it, and finally, I just said, "Well what would you do when you had to get up in the middle of the night and take a shower because you awoke to a very specific type of nasty shower that is much less enjoyable than a real one!" He knew right away what I was referring too, asked the story, I dutifully told, and it got passed on to all the other guides on the glacier by their walkie talkies. Not so friendly, I admit, but the guides all got a huge kick out of it and said my little misfortune made their day. Plus, our guide Kutty, was FIT.

Even now as I tell it, I am not proud nor happy of the situation but laughing at it and making light of the horribleness that can only come about from being peed on has kept me from being irately angry at someone with whom I was going to be spending another week on a bus with. What else are you gonna do? It's just my luck.

*Fredlar- Name of offending Kiwi Bus participant has been changed.