I LOVE yoga and pilates. I get way into the "zen" thing and work on my breathing and relaxation in class. I especially love it after a stressful day or week at work. Yoga makes me feel calm and helps clear my head. Last week, I worked four 12's in a row and could not WAIT to go to class. Well, yoga sure failed me this week.
I really appreciate and admire the men who come to class and put in the effort. Yoga is hard for men as they are less flexible and not used to contorting their bodies into certain positions. Some men, certainly are not made for yoga. It never fails that there is some "big burly guy" in class who cannot even get his hands down to his shins let alone touch the floor. Again, I admire that man in class because at least he is trying. HOWEVER, when I have had a long week of work and want to relax and stretch in my yoga class I do not admire or appreciate "the big burly man" who cannot touch his toes because inevitably some gas will be passed by said man.
For example, last week, I'm in class slowly reaching a "zen like" mentality. We're about halfway through class and about to move into downward facing dog from the cobra pose. Quickly, cobra is lying on your belly and lifting your upper half and arching back. You then lower and put your ass up in the air for downward facing dog (please google the poses if you want a visual. It's good). Anyway, I'm facedown after coming out of cobra and pushing up to downward facing dog when the "big burly man" two people down FARTS! Now, people fart sort of frequently in yoga. But usally it's a little pff... This guy, however, truly farted out loud for at least the back half of the room to hear. Not only does he fart, but he also goes "ope, sorry!" My immaturity does not allow me to not laugh. In fact, I laugh so hard I have to come down out of the pose because my arms are giving out on me. I don't know if it was the stress of the week that made me crack a little or the the impeccable timing of farting while forcing your ass up into the air that got me. Either way, it was a good 2 minutes before I could control myself. Laughing in yoga is like laughing in church. You're not supposed to do it, so it makes it harder to stop. My "zen like state" was ruined but it still makes me laugh when I think about it. The embarrassment of that man must of been tremendous.
NOW ONTO THE GOOD ONE:
I'm in the pilates/yoga fusion class because it's the only one I can make it to after work. I'd rather go to only straight yoga but I have to make compromises due to my schedule. Yoga/pilates is usually all women and that day it was as well. I pick up my mat and choose to sit next to two women who appear to have been here before because they are stretching and their flexibility looks good. They are both probably in their thirties. Again, we are moving through class and I'm happily thinking that the class was just what I needed after the hellish day at work. I'm also getting excited because we are moving onto crow pose and I have not been able to balance in it yet. Crow pose is where you place your calves on your elbows and balance on your wrists and arms in somewhat of a tripod. Previously, I have not been able to hold it. Today, however, I get in crow pose and am able to hold it. As I am silently congratulating myself in my head, I notice that the woman one person away from me is also doing great in the pose (it's quite natural to check out other peoples moves in yoga and pilates. It's one big competition between females if you ask me). Anyway, her friend who is next to me, states something like, "I'm so impressed you can do that so easily. I'm not even close..." AND THEN the women in crow pose tips forward a little bit and HER FAKE BOOB FALLS OUT OF HER WORKOUT TOPS AND ROLLS AWAY FROM HER!!! The women, shocked, says "oh shit" and gets out of the pose and has to crawl a little to retrieve the fake boob and then hides it under her towel! Thank god we were in the first row or it would have rolled into the row in front of us. Naturally, I about die laughing. This is even better than the fart. I can't even attempt to move into any pose because I can't calm myself down. The two women friends are also laughing uncontrollably but silently. The three of us up there look like we were having some kind of convulsions because laughing really hard but silently makes your whole body shake. It was absolutely top-notch the funniest thing. I had tears running down my face so hard that my nose also started to run. While this is all very funny, and I am super excited I got to witness it, I can't help but wonder..... who in their right mind wears fake boob cutlets in their sports bra to work out?! I cannot imagine having silicone and rubber up against me while working out. No wonder it slipped out! I'm sure the things start a slippin' and sliden' once you get sweaty. I wonder if she's ever looked up in the mirror to see her "boobs" have shifted around and no longer make sense? She must have a major insecurity when it comes to her chest so in a way I do feel bad, but in no way to do I feel bad enough that I didn't tell everyone who would listen about it and am writing it on here. Oops... Good times at the glamour gym.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Bar Method
I started The Bar Method this week in Boulder. Bar Method is a mix of ballet moves and pilates. All the movements are tiny. For example, it's always raise your arm "an inch" or pulse your legs "one inch". So, these small isometric movements, are supposed to produce big results. Honestly, it is THE HARDEST work out class I have gone to. Afterwards, I LOVE IT. During, I cuss myself out for having signed up for some allowable form of torture. Nothing has made my legs and arms burn that badly since I was doing hardcore gymnastics conditioning. Literally, during the leg and thigh segment, your legs either shake so bad, or burn so badly that I get goosebumps all up and down my arms and feel like I'm going to poop myself. It's wonderful and horrible at the same time. I keep going back though. I've gone to three classes, three days in a row, and tomorrow will be my fourth in as many days. I'm so glad I signed up to do it. It keeps me busy and it's a new way to get in a good calorie burn without plugging away on cardio equipment. Plus, it does not irritate my foot as the instructors are great about getting to know you. I have had all three instructors that work there and they all know that I had foot surgery so they give me modifications in class without me having to ask. I still can't hold the leg or arm segments for the entire time so I look forward to improving. I'm excited to go back tomorrow morning even though I am going to be in class wondering why the hell I signed up to come in and work out at 8 am on a Saturday.
My energy and annoyingly positive outlook on life are also improving as my workouts and fitness levels improve. It's so funny how the two are directly connected. It makes no sense that exertion in a work out gives you energy later on but it truly does. I bop around the ER all day and don't really get tired like I used to. I can also stay in a good mood even when we are extremely busy and I hardly have time to breathe. I also make sure I eat though. I am trying to be conscious of what and how much I consume but also how often I eat. I don't want to tank my metabolism. It's certainly an effort but it's an effort that is well worth it. Confidence for me comes with how I look and feel about myself. Continuing to work out and shape up is doing great things for my mental health and confidence. I know it's only been three weeks but I feel an improvement. I may even strut a little more. haha Regardless, working out and improving myself not just physically but mentally as well makes me happy.
I also found a really great peanut butter and banana shake. Here is the recipe:
1 banana sliced up
1 cup milk (I use unsweetened almond milk. Less calories and almost no fat)
1/2 cup non fat plain greek yogurt
2 tbsp all natural peanut butter
I blend the milk and banana first and then add the yogurt and peanut butter. It's really easy, really tasty, and keeps you full for awhile. Oh yea, I also had a little squirt of agave nectar to sweeten it just a touch. I could drink like four or five of these but really even 8 ounces is too much, so I drink about 4 ounces which is a solid 320-ish calories which is great for a breakfast.
I had a bad day last week. It was a "hungry day" where I just could not seem to get full off of anything I ate. This is embarrassing but I literally ate two weight watchers ice cream treats, some skittles and starburst left over from halloween (yes! Halloween from 6 months ago! ugh!) I also ate skittles at work. OH yea, I also ate premade cookie dough. It was a BAD day. I've been really good since that day but I sort of exploding with wanting sweets. I blame it on my period. Anyway, I've recouped nicely and try not to be too hard on myself about it. I'm at 134.2. Almost 8 pounds down. I bought shorts that are a size 6 from American Eagle that are actually a little bit too big. The 4's were too tight on my thighs though (no shocker there). Anyway, it makes me quite happy because I have not work a size 6 from AE since I was in high school!
Let the improving continue! I'm on my way to the gym to try out a few new workouts that should help strengthen back up my weak leg and foot.
My energy and annoyingly positive outlook on life are also improving as my workouts and fitness levels improve. It's so funny how the two are directly connected. It makes no sense that exertion in a work out gives you energy later on but it truly does. I bop around the ER all day and don't really get tired like I used to. I can also stay in a good mood even when we are extremely busy and I hardly have time to breathe. I also make sure I eat though. I am trying to be conscious of what and how much I consume but also how often I eat. I don't want to tank my metabolism. It's certainly an effort but it's an effort that is well worth it. Confidence for me comes with how I look and feel about myself. Continuing to work out and shape up is doing great things for my mental health and confidence. I know it's only been three weeks but I feel an improvement. I may even strut a little more. haha Regardless, working out and improving myself not just physically but mentally as well makes me happy.
I also found a really great peanut butter and banana shake. Here is the recipe:
1 banana sliced up
1 cup milk (I use unsweetened almond milk. Less calories and almost no fat)
1/2 cup non fat plain greek yogurt
2 tbsp all natural peanut butter
I blend the milk and banana first and then add the yogurt and peanut butter. It's really easy, really tasty, and keeps you full for awhile. Oh yea, I also had a little squirt of agave nectar to sweeten it just a touch. I could drink like four or five of these but really even 8 ounces is too much, so I drink about 4 ounces which is a solid 320-ish calories which is great for a breakfast.
I had a bad day last week. It was a "hungry day" where I just could not seem to get full off of anything I ate. This is embarrassing but I literally ate two weight watchers ice cream treats, some skittles and starburst left over from halloween (yes! Halloween from 6 months ago! ugh!) I also ate skittles at work. OH yea, I also ate premade cookie dough. It was a BAD day. I've been really good since that day but I sort of exploding with wanting sweets. I blame it on my period. Anyway, I've recouped nicely and try not to be too hard on myself about it. I'm at 134.2. Almost 8 pounds down. I bought shorts that are a size 6 from American Eagle that are actually a little bit too big. The 4's were too tight on my thighs though (no shocker there). Anyway, it makes me quite happy because I have not work a size 6 from AE since I was in high school!
Let the improving continue! I'm on my way to the gym to try out a few new workouts that should help strengthen back up my weak leg and foot.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The 4th Grade and the Phone
There are a lot of things that I am good at. For instance, I know how to dress myself in a way that looks like I wear a size 6 when in actuality I wear a size 8 or 10. I also have the ability to find great sales on shoes, I can laugh at myself during the many mistakes I make, I can recall useless details from tv shows and movies, I can name almost any actor or actress, and I have an impeccable memory for remembering anything that is NOT important. All of these many talents of mine are of absolutely NO GOOD while teaching the 4th grade.
I called Cynthia and asked for a sub job. It was my fault. She didn't have much so my options were a full day of Special Ed at the high school or a half day in the 4th grade. Man, I did not choose wisely. If I were in an Indiana Jones movie attempting to choose the carpenters cup I would have shriveled up and my bones turned to dust right there and then on that sunny Friday morning.
As soon as I accepted I thought to myself, "why, why would I do something so stupid?" I was nervous as all get out so I thought to myself, alright, I'll just dress the part of an elementary school teacher and maybe that will give me the confidence to be able to get through this half day (only 4 hours mind you) of school. Since I do not own any zip up sweaters with the optional appliques of sunflowers, apples, pencils, and a little chalkboard with ABC or 1+2=3 written on it in chalk, I decided to wear khakis, a white tee, and the teacher staple of a jean jacket. I took a couple deep breaths and headed for my car with a huge cup o' coffee. I gave myself pep talks all the way there and just kept repeating "you can do this!"
I arrived at the classroom and the teacher gave me a quick rundown of what I was to do. She kept asking me if I knew certain procedures and I just stared and nodded my head. I didn't want to appear incompetent as I felt so I pretended I knew how to take small children to the restroom, Tack in the Shoe, and the various noisemakers for quieting down the class. I felt lucky that there was a room mom in the classroom. Later, I would discover that this was in fact not-so-lucky.
The students came back from recess and literally we were off. They know the procedure for the day like the back of their hand so I was desperately trying to catch up. They were excited to see a sub, hyper, and CRAZY. I asked them to sit down, it didn't happen, I asked them to quiet down, it didn't happen, I looked around desperately at the room mom for help, again nothing happened. I wondered out loud how I was going to get them to pay attention and 5 little kids all started telling me about putting my hand up in the air, taking away recess points, tacks in shoes, the windchime, AND a bell. No joke. I was FLABBERGASTED. I just watched unable to concentrate on even one of the students. They continued on completely unaware that I was silently screaming "WHAT THE HELL" and cursing myself out on the inside. One of thestudent is trying to explain to me the windchime. As she picks it up, another girl grabs it and FREAKS OUT.
She snatches it in both of her paws and starts yelling 'NO ONE BUT THE TEACHER IS SUPPOSED TO USE THIS AND DON'T YOU TAKE IT FROM ME THATS NOT FAIR AND I WAS JUST TRYING TO TELL HER HOW TO DO IT AND YOU TOOK IT FROM ME AND I HATE THIS STUPID BELL I JUST HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!" All while stamping her feet and turning a violent color of maroonish purple. I, honestly, was so stunned I couldn't react correctly. I not so intelligently, started laughing, and said, "woah woah woah, what WAS that?!Please put that down!" The girl set it down, crossed her arms and sat down. Completely over it and calm. I still don't comprehend what exactly that was about.
We were only supposed to have a bathroom break. How did things get so out of control? I'd only been there for 5 minutes! The 5 minutes of yelling and screaming took us right into story time in the reading room. It took me another 8 minutes to actually get all 32 students lined up at the door and quiet. I mean, it was just chaos. We of course were late to the reading room and we shared the room with another class. The other teacher looked at my sympathetically and goes "we're certainly having "a day" today". Good news.
We leave the reading room and stop at the bathroom since they missed the opportunity on our first go. There must be some kind of art involved taking 4th graders on a potty break. The kids were ALL OVER the place. If they weren't in the potty they were supposed to be against the wall. No one would stay on the wall. Instead they were pulling out way too many paper towels, throwing hand sanitizer and water at each other, trying to do handstands against the wall, or there were 3 or 4 students trying to tell me 3 or 4 different stories at the same time. Really, I think it was just a clever way to distract me while the others got themselves into water fights. The room mom even comes from the classroom and says, "uh, I can hear you guys from down the hall!" Information I don't really need as it is more than obvious I am NOT in control. Another frustrated 8 or so minutes and I finally wrangle them all up and THANKFULLY take them to art for an hour.
I go back to the room and sit on my stool and put my face in my hands shaking my head. The room mom starts LAUGHING! I look up and plaster an annoyed smile on my face. We start conversation. Now, subbing can be difficult but it is nothing compared to the extra help I have come across in certain rooms. It doesn't matter what school because all of them that I have come across are the same. They all have information on what students are awful, what they think is wrong with the school system, what teachers do wrong, what administrator has his/her head so far up their own ass they don't pay attention to the rest of the school, and it just goes on and on. This room mother was not an exception. She proceeded to tell me what she thinks the teacher does wrong and what procedures she does not agree with all while glorifying her own child. She also indulges in a little condition I call verbal diarrhea. I suffer from this condition but I can keep it in check when it counts. Room mom on the other hand. She let it all hang out. She proceeds to tell me how she has to take zanax four times a day! She also tells me how it makes her tired and a little loopy and a bit hard to stay awake when she's sitting in on classes. I'm listening in disbelief while mentally telling myself to be sure that I keep my face set in an understanding agreeable expression. Really, though, I mean COME ON! What was she thinking? Why are you even there!? Go home! I am a future teacher who is not even in a school yet and you first of all are giving me waaay too much personal information and bad mouthing the school system and seasoned teachers. The very ones her children are enrolled in and I am hoping to be employed by. Seriously? Are you trying to talk me out of becoming a teacher? Last time I checked I didn't choose this profession expecting a classroom full of type A, do-gooder students. I guess I just like a challenge.
Anyway, art is over and the students came back. As Heidi Klum would say, we had a little chat. I reprimanded them on the bad behavior previously and then said I was hoping for a turn around in behavior for the second half of the afternoon. I also created the "Ms. V signal". I put two fingers up in the air in the shape of a V and I tell them that it is like my bat signal and they are to be quiet immediately whenever they see it and wait for furthur instruction. It worked amazingly well. The rest of the afternoon was instruction time and went really smoothly. No problems at all. I had to throw up the V signal a few times but other than that it was good. Then the end of the day came.
Ten minutes left in the day and the students decided to get all crazy again. Fifteen of them were attempting to tell me how the end of the day procedures go and the rest are flying all around getting book bags and tennis shoes out of the cupboards. I put up the Ms. V signal but they no longer cared. I was desperately trying to get their attention but they pretty much ignored me and the two class brown nosers who were trying to help me. The first bell rang and half the class just took off. Where to? I have NO idea. If you have seen the movie Kindergarten Cop when Arnold goes into the Kindergarten room for the first time and the kids are EVERYWHERE. My room was a good reenactment of that. Literally. It was horrible. The second bell rings and the rest of the students fly out of the room one by one. I'm left standing there red-faced, frustrated, in an eerie silence especially after all the chaos and noise that was previously in the room. I'm thinking, okay, that clearly did not go well but I did learn something. I learned that 34 bucks for that hell I was just in is NOT worth it.
I go to pick up my stuff only to find my cute red teacher bag all over the floor. I scoop things back up and am prepared to tell my bff all about it when I cannot locate my phone. Correction, my blackberry that stores all of my information including months and months of emails, text messages, and pictures. I am in a PANIC. I re-dump out my bag, crawl around on the floor, look in, under, around, the desk I was sitting and I look in the trash, the blackboard, the teachers desk, everywhere. I can't find it. I walk out in the hall where I can hear other teachers talking and literally blinking back tears ask them if they think a 4th grader is capable of stealing a blackberry. Immediately they all are like "OH YEA" and tell me to go talk to the principal. We search for it and I even looked in all of the students desks but it's nowhere to be found. I'm pretty much frantic, pissed off, and mostly upset. It was such an exasperating day. The thought of going home and telling my parents my blackberry was gone was almost as bad as the phone being gone.
Luckily, the parental unit was not home when I got home. I paced the house trying to think what to do and anticipate how much I am going to be inconvenienced. I did intelligently call my phone repeatidly before suspending the service so my number would show up a bunch of times. I'm still fuming when house phone rings. I check the caller I.D. and since I didn't recognize the number I didn't answer. Then I thought about it for awhile and realized that the number was attached to the same last name as the room mom! I called it back, holding my breath, and sure enough it was the room mother and even more to my relief, her daughter had my blackberry. While I was on the phone with her getting directions she puts me on hold to CHEW out her daughter in language I would never use in front of a 10 year old. My relief of knowing where my phone completely subsided for guilt over getting that girl in trouble. As soon as my phone was back in my possession I checked it to see how much she had gone through. It was obvious my texts had been scrolled through but only to the point passed a long text conversation about the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy the previous night. Then I open my email. I'm doing this all while the room mom is telling me that her daugher doesn't know how to do anything on a cell phone like text or send emails or probably even to call soemone. Naive. Naive. Naive.
In my inbox is a sent email to Dicks Sporting Goods. Soemone had replied to an automatically generated email about upcoming sales and discounts. The email said "Go Suck on." At first I don't get it but then I looked at it again and right after that line it says who the email is sent to, so together it says, Go Suck on... [Dicks] Sporting Goods. Creative you little 4th Grader. Creative.
I called Cynthia and asked for a sub job. It was my fault. She didn't have much so my options were a full day of Special Ed at the high school or a half day in the 4th grade. Man, I did not choose wisely. If I were in an Indiana Jones movie attempting to choose the carpenters cup I would have shriveled up and my bones turned to dust right there and then on that sunny Friday morning.
As soon as I accepted I thought to myself, "why, why would I do something so stupid?" I was nervous as all get out so I thought to myself, alright, I'll just dress the part of an elementary school teacher and maybe that will give me the confidence to be able to get through this half day (only 4 hours mind you) of school. Since I do not own any zip up sweaters with the optional appliques of sunflowers, apples, pencils, and a little chalkboard with ABC or 1+2=3 written on it in chalk, I decided to wear khakis, a white tee, and the teacher staple of a jean jacket. I took a couple deep breaths and headed for my car with a huge cup o' coffee. I gave myself pep talks all the way there and just kept repeating "you can do this!"
I arrived at the classroom and the teacher gave me a quick rundown of what I was to do. She kept asking me if I knew certain procedures and I just stared and nodded my head. I didn't want to appear incompetent as I felt so I pretended I knew how to take small children to the restroom, Tack in the Shoe, and the various noisemakers for quieting down the class. I felt lucky that there was a room mom in the classroom. Later, I would discover that this was in fact not-so-lucky.
The students came back from recess and literally we were off. They know the procedure for the day like the back of their hand so I was desperately trying to catch up. They were excited to see a sub, hyper, and CRAZY. I asked them to sit down, it didn't happen, I asked them to quiet down, it didn't happen, I looked around desperately at the room mom for help, again nothing happened. I wondered out loud how I was going to get them to pay attention and 5 little kids all started telling me about putting my hand up in the air, taking away recess points, tacks in shoes, the windchime, AND a bell. No joke. I was FLABBERGASTED. I just watched unable to concentrate on even one of the students. They continued on completely unaware that I was silently screaming "WHAT THE HELL" and cursing myself out on the inside. One of thestudent is trying to explain to me the windchime. As she picks it up, another girl grabs it and FREAKS OUT.
She snatches it in both of her paws and starts yelling 'NO ONE BUT THE TEACHER IS SUPPOSED TO USE THIS AND DON'T YOU TAKE IT FROM ME THATS NOT FAIR AND I WAS JUST TRYING TO TELL HER HOW TO DO IT AND YOU TOOK IT FROM ME AND I HATE THIS STUPID BELL I JUST HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!" All while stamping her feet and turning a violent color of maroonish purple. I, honestly, was so stunned I couldn't react correctly. I not so intelligently, started laughing, and said, "woah woah woah, what WAS that?!Please put that down!" The girl set it down, crossed her arms and sat down. Completely over it and calm. I still don't comprehend what exactly that was about.
We were only supposed to have a bathroom break. How did things get so out of control? I'd only been there for 5 minutes! The 5 minutes of yelling and screaming took us right into story time in the reading room. It took me another 8 minutes to actually get all 32 students lined up at the door and quiet. I mean, it was just chaos. We of course were late to the reading room and we shared the room with another class. The other teacher looked at my sympathetically and goes "we're certainly having "a day" today". Good news.
We leave the reading room and stop at the bathroom since they missed the opportunity on our first go. There must be some kind of art involved taking 4th graders on a potty break. The kids were ALL OVER the place. If they weren't in the potty they were supposed to be against the wall. No one would stay on the wall. Instead they were pulling out way too many paper towels, throwing hand sanitizer and water at each other, trying to do handstands against the wall, or there were 3 or 4 students trying to tell me 3 or 4 different stories at the same time. Really, I think it was just a clever way to distract me while the others got themselves into water fights. The room mom even comes from the classroom and says, "uh, I can hear you guys from down the hall!" Information I don't really need as it is more than obvious I am NOT in control. Another frustrated 8 or so minutes and I finally wrangle them all up and THANKFULLY take them to art for an hour.
I go back to the room and sit on my stool and put my face in my hands shaking my head. The room mom starts LAUGHING! I look up and plaster an annoyed smile on my face. We start conversation. Now, subbing can be difficult but it is nothing compared to the extra help I have come across in certain rooms. It doesn't matter what school because all of them that I have come across are the same. They all have information on what students are awful, what they think is wrong with the school system, what teachers do wrong, what administrator has his/her head so far up their own ass they don't pay attention to the rest of the school, and it just goes on and on. This room mother was not an exception. She proceeded to tell me what she thinks the teacher does wrong and what procedures she does not agree with all while glorifying her own child. She also indulges in a little condition I call verbal diarrhea. I suffer from this condition but I can keep it in check when it counts. Room mom on the other hand. She let it all hang out. She proceeds to tell me how she has to take zanax four times a day! She also tells me how it makes her tired and a little loopy and a bit hard to stay awake when she's sitting in on classes. I'm listening in disbelief while mentally telling myself to be sure that I keep my face set in an understanding agreeable expression. Really, though, I mean COME ON! What was she thinking? Why are you even there!? Go home! I am a future teacher who is not even in a school yet and you first of all are giving me waaay too much personal information and bad mouthing the school system and seasoned teachers. The very ones her children are enrolled in and I am hoping to be employed by. Seriously? Are you trying to talk me out of becoming a teacher? Last time I checked I didn't choose this profession expecting a classroom full of type A, do-gooder students. I guess I just like a challenge.
Anyway, art is over and the students came back. As Heidi Klum would say, we had a little chat. I reprimanded them on the bad behavior previously and then said I was hoping for a turn around in behavior for the second half of the afternoon. I also created the "Ms. V signal". I put two fingers up in the air in the shape of a V and I tell them that it is like my bat signal and they are to be quiet immediately whenever they see it and wait for furthur instruction. It worked amazingly well. The rest of the afternoon was instruction time and went really smoothly. No problems at all. I had to throw up the V signal a few times but other than that it was good. Then the end of the day came.
Ten minutes left in the day and the students decided to get all crazy again. Fifteen of them were attempting to tell me how the end of the day procedures go and the rest are flying all around getting book bags and tennis shoes out of the cupboards. I put up the Ms. V signal but they no longer cared. I was desperately trying to get their attention but they pretty much ignored me and the two class brown nosers who were trying to help me. The first bell rang and half the class just took off. Where to? I have NO idea. If you have seen the movie Kindergarten Cop when Arnold goes into the Kindergarten room for the first time and the kids are EVERYWHERE. My room was a good reenactment of that. Literally. It was horrible. The second bell rings and the rest of the students fly out of the room one by one. I'm left standing there red-faced, frustrated, in an eerie silence especially after all the chaos and noise that was previously in the room. I'm thinking, okay, that clearly did not go well but I did learn something. I learned that 34 bucks for that hell I was just in is NOT worth it.
I go to pick up my stuff only to find my cute red teacher bag all over the floor. I scoop things back up and am prepared to tell my bff all about it when I cannot locate my phone. Correction, my blackberry that stores all of my information including months and months of emails, text messages, and pictures. I am in a PANIC. I re-dump out my bag, crawl around on the floor, look in, under, around, the desk I was sitting and I look in the trash, the blackboard, the teachers desk, everywhere. I can't find it. I walk out in the hall where I can hear other teachers talking and literally blinking back tears ask them if they think a 4th grader is capable of stealing a blackberry. Immediately they all are like "OH YEA" and tell me to go talk to the principal. We search for it and I even looked in all of the students desks but it's nowhere to be found. I'm pretty much frantic, pissed off, and mostly upset. It was such an exasperating day. The thought of going home and telling my parents my blackberry was gone was almost as bad as the phone being gone.
Luckily, the parental unit was not home when I got home. I paced the house trying to think what to do and anticipate how much I am going to be inconvenienced. I did intelligently call my phone repeatidly before suspending the service so my number would show up a bunch of times. I'm still fuming when house phone rings. I check the caller I.D. and since I didn't recognize the number I didn't answer. Then I thought about it for awhile and realized that the number was attached to the same last name as the room mom! I called it back, holding my breath, and sure enough it was the room mother and even more to my relief, her daughter had my blackberry. While I was on the phone with her getting directions she puts me on hold to CHEW out her daughter in language I would never use in front of a 10 year old. My relief of knowing where my phone completely subsided for guilt over getting that girl in trouble. As soon as my phone was back in my possession I checked it to see how much she had gone through. It was obvious my texts had been scrolled through but only to the point passed a long text conversation about the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy the previous night. Then I open my email. I'm doing this all while the room mom is telling me that her daugher doesn't know how to do anything on a cell phone like text or send emails or probably even to call soemone. Naive. Naive. Naive.
In my inbox is a sent email to Dicks Sporting Goods. Soemone had replied to an automatically generated email about upcoming sales and discounts. The email said "Go Suck on." At first I don't get it but then I looked at it again and right after that line it says who the email is sent to, so together it says, Go Suck on... [Dicks] Sporting Goods. Creative you little 4th Grader. Creative.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
My Work Out Rules... Though Harsh: Absolutely True!
I just got back from running at Rails n' Trails Park in Bloomington and there are a few things that consistently bother me.
First and foremost is the man who bikes shirtless with white curly chest hair a-blazin' in CUT OFF WAY TOO SHORT JEAN SHORTS. Cut offs are meant for those women I am insanely jealous of that have killer thin toned legs. Not for the overweight man huffing and puffing on a bike. I can't even imagine the chaffing!
Second: There are loads of people out there that walk with their pets. I get this and often I think it's cute. Sometimes my ass will start a runnin' faster when an attractive male with his golden retriever are about to trot by (the counterpart of this being an attractive male with a teeny tiny dog like a chihuahua. I chalk these boys up to walking their girlfriends dogs or as put by Carrie Bradshaw (Season 5-Episode 2:Unoriginal Sin) "Can't handle a real dog can't handle a real woman." I, however, am not entertained by those people who allow their pets to wander on the trail across from them leaving the leash as an invisible clothesline for me to contemplate and panic about. If I'm running it is slightly less daunting but as it is I am a klutz. The thought of me jumping over the leash at the right height and speed has me in hysterics. I don't fancy a broken arm from it and I can just imagine the entertainment others would get from the tale. When I'm on my rollerblades the fear is even worse. I am still horrible at stopping. In fact, I have never managed to be able to come to a complete stop. One time I did mean to turn in a semi-circle in order to stop but I was going to quick and I spun in two little tight circles. I felt like Nancy Kerrigan or something until I was so dizzy I had to sit before moving on. Anyway, I'm just saying that people with pets should have a little consideration for others. Especially those who are leisurely walking through that park. I think people who look like they are trying to get a serious work out should have the right away. Also, tonight, I was sitting on a bench attempting to catch my breath when this little fuzzy thing of a dog on a leash but a bit away from its owner came up to me. I must of gave it a dirty look because its owner gave me one right back and under her breath said, "wow.. bitch.." Seriously? It's known that I'm not the greatest fan of dogs but I had just got done running 2.29 miles. My face was so red it was maroon and I was sucking in air like I hadn't had any oxygen for days. No, I don't want to pet your dog!
Third: Like the leashes I work out in fear of the families walking, biking, skating together. Especially the families with little ones. This is going to make me sound evil but I can't help but get frustrated by the little kids who have not yet mastered their wheeled transportation devices. It causes them to ride erratically in "s" curves all over the path. I get panicky when I'm coming up to them and trying to judge which direction they are going to go in next. A few times I have judged wrong and in order to miss the unaware small child I have flown into the grass with my arms flying wildly and a few of those times I have wiped out. None of which have the parents apologized for their children. I'm sporting a nice scab on my right forearm right now from such an occasion. A lot of parents are really great and will tell their children to move aside so I can pass and I am extremely grateful and I usually even say thanks and smile. A little consideration. That's all I'm asking for.
Fourth: For me this is common sense but in my studies has proven not to be for many others. You should always be aware of other people working out, walking, jogging, biking, whatever around you. I get extremely annoyed when I'm jogging or skating along and I come up to a group of people who are blocking the path and are completely unaware that I am behind them. If you are walking in a line across the path please have enough consideration to pay attention and move aside for others to pass through. I do it for others. If I'm going at a slower pace from someone and I see them coming I move aside so they can have the inside track. It is the reasonable thing to do. I can't really stop on my skates so I always fear I'm going to end up taking someone out. It's a legitimate fear. I can't stop. I can imagine the ridicule I'd get.
Fifth: If you are gabbing wildly on your cell phone talking to someone about how you are working out while you are working out, you are NOT working out! Being able to hold a whole conversation complete with complex sentences with few breathers in between means you are no where near an aerobic level. This is most basic test everyone should know if they are wondering if they are working out hard enough. You should be able to talk in short sporadic sentences but should not be able to hold a conversation. Please spare me the annoyance of having to go around you and go home and facebook. These types of people are really high on my list of central annoyances during the winter season of working out at the gym on campus. Decent treadmill time is hard to come by and when one is being used by someone who is talking or texting on their cell phone really fires me up. It's really irritating and I know I'm not the only one who thinks so.
Sixth: The glamourites at the glamour gym. By my definition a glamourite is either: a male who goes to the gym in a a t-shirt with the sleeves torn off so literally more skin is showing than shirt who does a few reps but then mostly does one of two things: stares at all the asses of the females on treadmills or flexes in the mirror while making "yea, man, I'm ripped" faces at himself. The female glamourite is a girl who comes to the gym in full make-up, the shortest shorts possible, and a teeny tiny tank top. They will bounce around on an elliptical for awhile and never break a sweat. They in turn stare around at the male glamourites giggling or gossip with their friends on a nearby treadmill or elliptical while simultaneously texting on their phones. They do exist. I work at the gym and us workers get a good kick laughing at these people and it's not only a few people. They are loads of them!
That's all for now. I plan on working out again tomorrow so I may come up with some new ones!
First and foremost is the man who bikes shirtless with white curly chest hair a-blazin' in CUT OFF WAY TOO SHORT JEAN SHORTS. Cut offs are meant for those women I am insanely jealous of that have killer thin toned legs. Not for the overweight man huffing and puffing on a bike. I can't even imagine the chaffing!
Second: There are loads of people out there that walk with their pets. I get this and often I think it's cute. Sometimes my ass will start a runnin' faster when an attractive male with his golden retriever are about to trot by (the counterpart of this being an attractive male with a teeny tiny dog like a chihuahua. I chalk these boys up to walking their girlfriends dogs or as put by Carrie Bradshaw (Season 5-Episode 2:Unoriginal Sin) "Can't handle a real dog can't handle a real woman." I, however, am not entertained by those people who allow their pets to wander on the trail across from them leaving the leash as an invisible clothesline for me to contemplate and panic about. If I'm running it is slightly less daunting but as it is I am a klutz. The thought of me jumping over the leash at the right height and speed has me in hysterics. I don't fancy a broken arm from it and I can just imagine the entertainment others would get from the tale. When I'm on my rollerblades the fear is even worse. I am still horrible at stopping. In fact, I have never managed to be able to come to a complete stop. One time I did mean to turn in a semi-circle in order to stop but I was going to quick and I spun in two little tight circles. I felt like Nancy Kerrigan or something until I was so dizzy I had to sit before moving on. Anyway, I'm just saying that people with pets should have a little consideration for others. Especially those who are leisurely walking through that park. I think people who look like they are trying to get a serious work out should have the right away. Also, tonight, I was sitting on a bench attempting to catch my breath when this little fuzzy thing of a dog on a leash but a bit away from its owner came up to me. I must of gave it a dirty look because its owner gave me one right back and under her breath said, "wow.. bitch.." Seriously? It's known that I'm not the greatest fan of dogs but I had just got done running 2.29 miles. My face was so red it was maroon and I was sucking in air like I hadn't had any oxygen for days. No, I don't want to pet your dog!
Third: Like the leashes I work out in fear of the families walking, biking, skating together. Especially the families with little ones. This is going to make me sound evil but I can't help but get frustrated by the little kids who have not yet mastered their wheeled transportation devices. It causes them to ride erratically in "s" curves all over the path. I get panicky when I'm coming up to them and trying to judge which direction they are going to go in next. A few times I have judged wrong and in order to miss the unaware small child I have flown into the grass with my arms flying wildly and a few of those times I have wiped out. None of which have the parents apologized for their children. I'm sporting a nice scab on my right forearm right now from such an occasion. A lot of parents are really great and will tell their children to move aside so I can pass and I am extremely grateful and I usually even say thanks and smile. A little consideration. That's all I'm asking for.
Fourth: For me this is common sense but in my studies has proven not to be for many others. You should always be aware of other people working out, walking, jogging, biking, whatever around you. I get extremely annoyed when I'm jogging or skating along and I come up to a group of people who are blocking the path and are completely unaware that I am behind them. If you are walking in a line across the path please have enough consideration to pay attention and move aside for others to pass through. I do it for others. If I'm going at a slower pace from someone and I see them coming I move aside so they can have the inside track. It is the reasonable thing to do. I can't really stop on my skates so I always fear I'm going to end up taking someone out. It's a legitimate fear. I can't stop. I can imagine the ridicule I'd get.
Fifth: If you are gabbing wildly on your cell phone talking to someone about how you are working out while you are working out, you are NOT working out! Being able to hold a whole conversation complete with complex sentences with few breathers in between means you are no where near an aerobic level. This is most basic test everyone should know if they are wondering if they are working out hard enough. You should be able to talk in short sporadic sentences but should not be able to hold a conversation. Please spare me the annoyance of having to go around you and go home and facebook. These types of people are really high on my list of central annoyances during the winter season of working out at the gym on campus. Decent treadmill time is hard to come by and when one is being used by someone who is talking or texting on their cell phone really fires me up. It's really irritating and I know I'm not the only one who thinks so.
Sixth: The glamourites at the glamour gym. By my definition a glamourite is either: a male who goes to the gym in a a t-shirt with the sleeves torn off so literally more skin is showing than shirt who does a few reps but then mostly does one of two things: stares at all the asses of the females on treadmills or flexes in the mirror while making "yea, man, I'm ripped" faces at himself. The female glamourite is a girl who comes to the gym in full make-up, the shortest shorts possible, and a teeny tiny tank top. They will bounce around on an elliptical for awhile and never break a sweat. They in turn stare around at the male glamourites giggling or gossip with their friends on a nearby treadmill or elliptical while simultaneously texting on their phones. They do exist. I work at the gym and us workers get a good kick laughing at these people and it's not only a few people. They are loads of them!
That's all for now. I plan on working out again tomorrow so I may come up with some new ones!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
A Little Gem from My Parents
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